17 Things Christian’s Penis Does in the New Fifty Shades Book

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This is no ordinary sex organ.

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1. Stirs at the thought of Ben Wa balls. “My cock stirs at the thought.”

2. Approves of Ana walking past it in the kitchen. “My cock approves, big-time.”

3. Twitches in approval. It does then when Ana’s fingers “quest lower.”

4. Stiffens in agreement. This time, it’s responding to Christian’s thought that he’s a lucky guy.

5. Wears a condom. “I wrap my cock in latex” is an interesting way of putting it, but sure.

6. Likes thongs. “I’m a fan,” says Christian of Ana’s thong. “So is my cock.” It knows what it likes, OK?

7. Fights with his fly. It has fists, maybe.

8. Nudges Ana. “I nudge her with my erection.”

9. Sits in the cleft of Ana’s behind. Taking a rest.

10. Recovers. “My cock recovers, growing and growing as I appreciate every inch of my girl.”

11. Strains. “My arousal strains against my zipper,” says a man who really ought to consider a button fly.

12. Loses patience. It does this more than once — once in the shower, and again in the Red Room.

13. Rages. “Using the remote, I switch off the music, then remove my jeans, freeing my raging erection.” Perhaps some anger management classes are in order?

14. Bursts. “I’m bursting,” Christian says. “My jeans are too fucking tight.” Hmm, must not be wearing his DJs, then, because those things are definitely relaxed fit.

15. Gets some room. “Rather awkwardly — her usual fingers and thumbs — she undoes my waistband and fly and tugs my jeans down. Ah! My cock has some room.” May as well move it into a guest bedroom.

16. Receives messages. “Her smile widens into a salacious grin that speaks directly to my cock.” So it has fists, a brain, and ears.

17. Earns its freedom. “I unzip my pants and free my erection, and pull her astride me.”

Credits: Cosmopolitan.

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