When it comes to the introvert-extrovert
dichotomy, many people seem to think that
being introverts have it rough in the dating
scene. It’s quite common to assume that the
extroverts get all the awesome dates thanks to
their ability to communicate really well.
But this is simply not true!
Unbeknownst to many, introverts are great
listeners who also have tons of stuff to
contribute to the conversation. They’re
introspective, sensitive and actually pretty
cool people to hang out with. And unlike
extroverts, they’d prefer to have a handful of
deep, meaningful friendships than a couple of
If you’re an introvert, you may know what it’s
like to want some company and not get it. It
can be hard for you to approach people and
form a deep enough bond with them to ask
them out on a date. But just because you’re
an introvert doesn’t mean it’s impossible for
you to go out on a date unless someone asks
So for all the introverts out there, here’s the
down-low on dating for you!
Tips on finding a date
If you were an extrovert, this section would
contain just one thing – Get out there and
socialize! But since that’s clearly not your
style, try these tips for finding a date that you
can genuinely form a connection with.
#1 Go online. Going online takes the edge off
the pressures of socializing in person.
You can think of what you say before sending
your messages. Also, it’s a great way for you
to meet people based on their interests,
where they hang out and what they like to
#2 Take a class, volunteer, join a group.
These are great ways to find new potential
friends. You’re in a place with a group of
different people whom you have common
interests with, and chances are, there’s
someone there you may take a liking to.
Also, since social interaction is encouraged in
a class, perhaps someone would approach you
or be your study-buddy, your partner, or your
#3 Ask your friends for recommendations.
Though sometimes your friends may not have
your ideal date in mind, many of them have
genuinely good intentions. Who knows, you
may think you’ve been set up with someone
who’s not your type, but he or she ends up
sharing your interest in fantasy RPGs, indie
music or bird watching!
#4 Give nights out a shot. It’s probably not
your style, but allow yourself to get dragged
out of the comfort of your home to get out
there and meet someone. Who knows, you
might end up striking up a conversation with
someone who was worth getting all dressed
#5 Try to watch how you present yourself.
Crossed arms, downcast eyes and fidgety
fingers may be your default look, but try to
ease out of it every once in a while.
Practicing smiling, straightening your back
and looking a little more inviting and
welcoming. It could transform you from being
a wallflower to a charmer.
#6 Find a date who takes the limelight the
whole time. You may think that your ideal
date would be someone who can make up for
you being tongue-tied quite often. But in
reality, it’s best to find someone who
appreciates your silence, but still gives you
cues that he or she interested in what you
have to say.
#7 Practice short conversations with people
you’ve just met. Now, this may come as a
real challenge. But a short hello or good
morning can help you build up enough
confidence. If they conversation goes any
further, it’s a great way to practice
interacting with people you’ve just met.
Where to go during your date
Once you’re past the conversation stage, here
are a few great tips for date locations that are
ideal for introverts.
#1 A music café with acoustic music. The
music gives you something to talk about,
while the relaxed atmosphere lets you get to
know your date a little more as well. This is a
great place to have your first date,
particularly if you both love music.
#2 A coffee shop. Coffee shops provide for a
nice, quiet space to have a conversation.
However, it’s best to save this venue when
you’ve gotten to know each other a little
better and have more things to talk about. A
place to talk with nothing to talk about may
just open you up to a lot of awkward silences.
#3 A museum or art gallery. Another nice
first date venue are cultural spots where you
can discuss all sorts of things. There’s not a
lot of pressure to talk when you’re in
museums or art galleries, but you’re still free
to discuss the displays.
#4 A movie. Movies are a pretty standard date
place. It gives you a chance to be silent for a
while with your date, but also provides you
with something that you can chat about
What to do while you’re hanging out
Feel like curling your toes in awkwardness
because you’re hanging out together, and you
don’t feel like you have anything productive
or informative to add to the conversation?
Just use these tips.
#1 Don’t pretend to be an extrovert. In this
case, you can’t fake it till you make it. Not
only will the act exhaust you, but your date
may find your act contrived. Instead, if you
feel shy, admit to it.
Tell your date that you’re an introvert, and
that you tend to see and feel things
differently from those who are more of an
extrovert. It’s by no means a character flaw,
but instead, it’s a highly underestimated
#2 Watch your body language and
appearance. Again, body language matters a
lot, especially on a date. Try your best to smile
and look towards your date. You don’t have to
look him or her straight in the eye all the
time, but facing their general direction when
you’re talking would really help.
And as for your appearance, wear clothes and
shoes suitable for the occasion and gussy up a
bit. Your date would definitely appreciate the
#3 Take it easy on the first date. A trip to
the movies, followed by a music bar and then
drinks may be a little too much for you to
take in on the first date, especially if you
haven’t been on a date in a while.
Instead, try to plan only one event to get to
know each other and save the rest for
another day. Nothing spoils a great date than
prolonging it for too long until one of you is
sick of the other!
#4 Listen and internalize. If you’re with
someone who has never dated an introvert,
he or she may be surprised at how well you
can pick up little nuances in your
conversation and use it as fodder for more
Empathy is another one of your strong suits,
so you can also use this to make your date
feel comfortable during your date.
#5 Ask questions to keep the conversation
flowing. Listening is another one of an
introvert’s strongest points. Use it to your
advantage by picking up what your date says
and ask questions about them.
Also, if you ask a hypothetical question, it
allows you to learn more about your date, and
it can also be asked back to you for a more
#6 Don’t be afraid to voice out what you’re
feeling. If your date asks you to go someplace
loud or crowded, tell him or her that it’s not
really your thing. Explain that you won’t be
comfortable, and try to suggest another place
If you go along and feel really awkward, your
date might start to think that you simply don’t
like them and they may feel dejected.
#7 Drinking is okay, getting too drunk is
not. The nectar of the gods may be the best
social lubricant for most, and it does come
with some good points. A few glasses of wine
or a couple of beers may help you feel more
But take care of how much you’ve been
drinking. Lowered inhibitions come with a
risk, and when lowered too much, it may
move you too forward to the point of being
#8 Get some alone time when you get home.
When you’ve been out for a couple of hours,
you may feel overwhelmed and start to miss
your alone time. Go ahead, refresh your
introversion meter and save your social
stamina for the next date.
Whatever the outcome of your search for a
date or your actual date may be, give yourself
a pat on the back for venturing out and
giving it a shot.
Introversion isn’t a flaw or a deficit that you
should hide. Instead, learn to revel in it and
use your insight and listening skills to your
Besides, as an introvert, there are some
moments when you feel like going out and
meeting up with people.
And during those moments, remember this
dating advice for introverts, and the 19 tips
and tricks, as they can be the very things
that help you find someone to really
Written by: Michelle Escultura/Lovepanky featured on RADAR yesterday.